Brenda’s Story

I really wish that the story you are about to read was one of a more uplifting and positive nature. However, in life, we will experience tough times, and it is important they are shared. Sadly, one of them is losing a loved one. The loss, grief, and suffering that each of us feel is unique. The circumstances around losing an immediate family member plays a significant role in the loss and grief process. The emotions experienced are mixed and can vary day to day – sadness, anger, bitterness, guilt – and joy, from the precious memories you hold of them and the life you had with them. The contrasting list of emotions goes on. I doubt that we can ever reach a stage of true acceptance of a loss like this.

Introduction

The story of losing Brenda, is a loss suffered by myself and my family. Life will never be the same again.

Somehow, life goes on. But how? How do we heal? How do we recover? We just learn to survive and take it day by day. It is one of the most traumatic experiences you will ever go through. Life is so easily taken for granted, until you are forced into experiencing a devastating and crush loss.

My worst fear in life was always losing my wife, son, daughter or granddaughters. On the 6 October 2022, I lost my beautiful, darling wife Brenda. Brenda and I were together almost forty years. It is difficult to put into words what Brenda meant to me. She was quite literally my life – my heart, my soulmate, my very best friend. She meant so much to everyone in her life.one of a kind. The most selfless, kind, gentle and loving soul. Always putting others before herself, right to the very end. She was and is the best wife, mother, grandmother I will ever know. I am honoured and lucky to have had her in my life, and to hold the wonderful memories of the life we built and shared together.

Brenda had just turned 59 when she passed. She lived with secondary breast cancer for a little over 3 years. However, she was initially diagnosed with primary breast cancer 2 years prior to that and treatment for that was apparently successful. There are points that I will share with you that make for difficult reading, but this is Brendas story, and I don’t want to omit any part of what she went through.

I am ashamed that I didn’t put up a more ferocious fight to save Brenda’s life. When she was first diagnosed with primary breast cancer in 2016, I made it my point to research the disease as thoroughly as possible. This was to enable me to assist and support Brenda in any way I could. Sadly, Brenda and I felt from early on that the Drs we were dealing with did not like being questioned on their opinions or the decisions made regarding Brendas treatment plans. It came across that they expected us to have full confidence in them. This simply didn’t come naturally to us – we had a thousand thoughts and questions, and we felt strongly that Brenda had a right to enquire further on decisions that were being made in an attempt to keep her alive as long as possible. Brenda was of the opinion that by asking more questions about treatment regimes, methods, combined with not getting the appropriate (or questionable) answers it would end with us feeling in a position of no confidence. I recognised the dilemma and fully understood. Brenda was grateful for my support. From that point, I played a lesser part but continued the best I could to support Brenda in any way she needed. But somehow, I fell short of advocating and fighting for her.

This story will hopefully expose the failings in the system and the failures with my dear wife Brenda. I can only hope that it raises awareness and that someday it will empower woman, and men, to advocate and be assertive about their own treatment and survival. Brenda’s experience could be one like many thousands of others, who are sadly let down in their fight against secondary breast cancer.

I recognise that the story at times will appear like a piece of fiction. It is not. All content is factual and honest. Patients are dying prematurely due to secondary breast cancer every single day. One of the main motives for the story is to provide you with a breakdown of events and enable you to play a front-line role in your own treatment.

At the moment, I believe the NHS and their Doctors are practising medicine in a way that should only described as inhumane, horrific and uncomprehensible.

At the moment, I believe the NHS and their Doctors are practising medicine in a wayIn Brenda journey with secondary breast cancer, we encountered a medical landscape fraught with complexities and difficult decisions. Among the myriads of challenges we faced, one of the many glaring issues that stands out – the lack of transparent communication surrounding treatment options. When presented with a potential treatment, we were not informed that this drug could inadvertently accelerate the progression of the cancer. This omission underscored a larger problem within oncology care – where patients and their families are often left grappling with profound consequences, due to incomplete information. As I embark on recounting Brenda’s last 3 years of her life, I am compelled to shed light by giving an honest and accurate blow for blow account of the critical issues that transcended into our personal tragedy. that should only described as inhumane, horrific and uncomprehensible.